Archive | 11:09 pm

“I just did the drive of pride.”

5 Feb

My original plan for this and the next few posts was to slowly introduce my Friends (who are pretty much my only readers at this point) so that they can see how much I love them and so when I get “real” readers (no offense, Friends), they can understand who I’m talking about all the time.


I figured I’d make mini-introductions and then do individual posts for a select few very close friends who will make consistent appearances on these pages. I was chatting with B on the phone late last night (I called her and made her read my first post with me on the phone), so naturally I was set to introduce her first.


Then, at 7:41 am this morning, I got this text from Mama Bird:


“I just did the drive of pride. Details to come.”


Well, sorry, B, but Mama Bird gets the post now. Mama Bird is literally the only person I know who would ever send me that text message. She is also the only person I know who, upon sending that text message, would not arrive at work and immediately IM me to follow up on her details. Seriously, I had to IM her at 9:40 am (2 hours later!) to get the scoop. It was sweeter and not as juicy as I’d hoped, but this is good because it’s about time she meets a non-asshole guy to take her out.


Now here’s some history on me and Mama Bird: Mama Bird and I met in college. Even though she lived on the second floor of my freshman dorm (I was on the third), that year I only knew of her. Basically, I only saw Mama Bird when she was really drunk at frat houses doing crazy dance moves that scared me. She will find this amusing because that statement speaks to our dynamic as friends now. So freshman year she scared me with her crazy drunken antics and then we both joined the same sorority (yes, I was in one) and realized we were both cool and fun and liked to binge drink on the weekends and sometimes during the week, too. Her drunken antics still scare me sometimes but now it’s more endearing.


Mama Bird is very loud and outspoken. She is not as liberal as I am politically but she is also not as conservative as she’ll have you believe. She has amazing, thick, always-perfectly-styled red hair that looks good even on the most hungover of Sunday mornings. She likes to wear sparkly tops. She works for a lobbying firm in her home state’s capital city and I have no idea what that means or what she actually does but it involves parties and Senators and annual trips to NYC (to see me!).


Mama Bird calls me Baby Bear because she thinks I look like one. Since the ‘you’ I’m talking to right now includes only people I actually know, you know this is not really true. I do have brown eyes and brown hair, but so do lots of animals. And people. Really, Mama Bird just thinks I have a very young, charming, innocent face (this is true) and therefore am all around a very charming (true) and innocent (false) personality.


Tomorrow, I’ll introduce you to B.

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