My First Time Buying Groceries Online

25 Feb

I’m really sorry about that post last night. It was really dumb. And pointless. I kind of just wanted a public disclaimer so that if there’s some kind of this-blog-blogrolled-your-blog notification, the blogs I rolled wouldn’t be like, “uhh who’s this chick who thinks she’s so awesome?”

So to make up for it, I give you this post – during which I expressly give you free range to laugh and judge. (You always have these rights, but in this case, I laughed at and judged myself.) Enjoy…

Sunday night I ordered my groceries from FreshDirect for the first time ever. I’ve been wanting to try it out and they sent me a 25%-off-my-groceries coupon and I had literally run out of food entirely. I have to make something really clear before I continue. Grocery shopping is a huge deal for me. Huge. Deal. I am incredibly OCD about my food, from buying it to cooking it to eating it. Ironically, when I cook I don’t ever follow recipes, but that’s not the point. Normally, I go grocery shopping about once every month (admittedly far too infrequently). When I do go, though, I have a very specific list. In categories. And I carry a pen to cross things off as soon as I put each item in my basket. My roommate offered to go with my one time (she was bored, I’m entertaining) and I warned her that it might take a while. I wasn’t sure she wouldn’t be beyond freaked out when she saw how weird I am when I set foot in a grocery store.

Given that grocery stores are such a source of anxiety for me, I figured that maybe a virtual grocery store would alleviate some of that. Knowing now how that turned out, I almost laughed out loud typing that sentence. As it turns out, as anxious as I might get in the store, I need to go there. I need to see what I’m buying because apparently, I have absolutely no comprehension whatsoever of a very key grocery-shopping-concept:

QUANTITY.

Yeah. So you can imagine where this is going.

The FreshDirect Man buzzed at exactly 8:32 and as I stood in the door waiting for him to arrive at my doorstep (third-floor-walk-up), I heard him grunting. I didn’t order that much stuff, did I? He presented me with four (four?!) boxes of groceries and basically ran away. Luckily, one box simply had a carton of eggs, so my fears of over-buying subsided. Then the bottom box gave me a near heart attack. What the hell is in there? It was seriously seven pounds. Or something close. Heavy. For groceries. For one girl. I opened it up and my online-grocery-shopping blunders became painfully clear.

I bought chicken, fish and ground turkey as my protein (and yeah, I keep track of that stuff). The ground turkey was pretty standard, maybe a bit less than a pound. What I expected. I made it into 11 turkey burgers and froze them (I’m very excited about this). Then I got to the fish. When I ordered it, I assumed I normally bought 1lb. This fish came in 2lbs or up, so I figured, Hey, what’s a bit extra? Uh, not quite, moron. Apparently, I normally buy about 1/4lb of fish. This time I bought TWO POUNDS. That is 8 times the amount I’ve ever bought. Best-Friend-in-Chicago told me last night (after I got this delivery) that Monday night her chef-brother cooked 2lbs of lamb for dinner…and it fed SIX people. Right.

Then I had no choice but to deal with massive amount of chicken I somehow managed to purchase. In my defense, FreshDirect totally tricked me! They told me it was only $1.99/lb! And I should buy this ValuePak! Of chicken breast! No bones! No skin! So cheap! (Oh-by-the-way-it-only-comes-in-bags-of-five-pounds.)

Five. Pounds. Of CHICKEN! Do you have any idea how much that is? You probably do, because everyone I talked to had an idea of how much that was except for me apparently because I ordered it without a second thought.

As I told my friends about this (and as I am typing it out), their reactions were all very similar (as I imagine yours to be), causing me to tell you this: I GET IT NOW. “Now” being the operative word. As soon as those boxes arrived, I got it. As I spent the next hour+ cutting, wrapping-in-foil, and putting away this excessive amount of meat, I got it. As I spend the next month+ thawing chicken, fish, and turkey burgers and not going grocery shopping, I will continue to get it.

And believe me, when I finally manage to consume these EIGHT POUNDS of meat, I will walk down the block, cross the street, and go to the damn grocery store.

One Response to “My First Time Buying Groceries Online”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Peer Pressure is Cool and Yes, This is My Voice « Guide to Being Awesome - April 12, 2012

    […] wrote this post way back during my first month of blogging (ever!) in February 2009. It’s about how grocery […]

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