My First Time Buying Groceries Online

25 Feb

I’m really sorry about that post last night. It was really dumb. And pointless. I kind of just wanted a public disclaimer so that if there’s some kind of this-blog-blogrolled-your-blog notification, the blogs I rolled wouldn’t be like, “uhh who’s this chick who thinks she’s so awesome?”

So to make up for it, I give you this post – during which I expressly give you free range to laugh and judge. (You always have these rights, but in this case, I laughed at and judged myself.) Enjoy…

Sunday night I ordered my groceries from FreshDirect for the first time ever. I’ve been wanting to try it out and they sent me a 25%-off-my-groceries coupon and I had literally run out of food entirely. I have to make something really clear before I continue. Grocery shopping is a huge deal for me. Huge. Deal. I am incredibly OCD about my food, from buying it to cooking it to eating it. Ironically, when I cook I don’t ever follow recipes, but that’s not the point. Normally, I go grocery shopping about once every month (admittedly far too infrequently). When I do go, though, I have a very specific list. In categories. And I carry a pen to cross things off as soon as I put each item in my basket. My roommate offered to go with my one time (she was bored, I’m entertaining) and I warned her that it might take a while. I wasn’t sure she wouldn’t be beyond freaked out when she saw how weird I am when I set foot in a grocery store.

Given that grocery stores are such a source of anxiety for me, I figured that maybe a virtual grocery store would alleviate some of that. Knowing now how that turned out, I almost laughed out loud typing that sentence. As it turns out, as anxious as I might get in the store, I need to go there. I need to see what I’m buying because apparently, I have absolutely no comprehension whatsoever of a very key grocery-shopping-concept:


Yeah. So you can imagine where this is going.

The FreshDirect Man buzzed at exactly 8:32 and as I stood in the door waiting for him to arrive at my doorstep (third-floor-walk-up), I heard him grunting. I didn’t order that much stuff, did I? He presented me with four (four?!) boxes of groceries and basically ran away. Luckily, one box simply had a carton of eggs, so my fears of over-buying subsided. Then the bottom box gave me a near heart attack. What the hell is in there? It was seriously seven pounds. Or something close. Heavy. For groceries. For one girl. I opened it up and my online-grocery-shopping blunders became painfully clear.

I bought chicken, fish and ground turkey as my protein (and yeah, I keep track of that stuff). The ground turkey was pretty standard, maybe a bit less than a pound. What I expected. I made it into 11 turkey burgers and froze them (I’m very excited about this). Then I got to the fish. When I ordered it, I assumed I normally bought 1lb. This fish came in 2lbs or up, so I figured, Hey, what’s a bit extra? Uh, not quite, moron. Apparently, I normally buy about 1/4lb of fish. This time I bought TWO POUNDS. That is 8 times the amount I’ve ever bought. Best-Friend-in-Chicago told me last night (after I got this delivery) that Monday night her chef-brother cooked 2lbs of lamb for dinner…and it fed SIX people. Right.

Then I had no choice but to deal with massive amount of chicken I somehow managed to purchase. In my defense, FreshDirect totally tricked me! They told me it was only $1.99/lb! And I should buy this ValuePak! Of chicken breast! No bones! No skin! So cheap! (Oh-by-the-way-it-only-comes-in-bags-of-five-pounds.)

Five. Pounds. Of CHICKEN! Do you have any idea how much that is? You probably do, because everyone I talked to had an idea of how much that was except for me apparently because I ordered it without a second thought.

As I told my friends about this (and as I am typing it out), their reactions were all very similar (as I imagine yours to be), causing me to tell you this: I GET IT NOW. “Now” being the operative word. As soon as those boxes arrived, I got it. As I spent the next hour+ cutting, wrapping-in-foil, and putting away this excessive amount of meat, I got it. As I spend the next month+ thawing chicken, fish, and turkey burgers and not going grocery shopping, I will continue to get it.

And believe me, when I finally manage to consume these EIGHT POUNDS of meat, I will walk down the block, cross the street, and go to the damn grocery store.

One Response to “My First Time Buying Groceries Online”


  1. Peer Pressure is Cool and Yes, This is My Voice « Guide to Being Awesome - April 12, 2012

    […] wrote this post way back during my first month of blogging (ever!) in February 2009. It’s about how grocery […]

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