I am fairly obsessed with this one chick-site called The Frisky. It’s kind of like Cosmo only written by girls I can totally relate to about things that seem like they could have been taken straight from my head. It’s on my blogroll and everyone should go look at it (but after you read this first).
Today, in the Weekly Romp email I get, an article was featured with the tagline “Mourning the Death of My Single-Girl Friendships.” The author/blogger, Wendy Atterberry, is getting married in a couple months and just relocated from Chicago to New York to be with her fiancé. From what she tells us, it appears her main motivation for moving was to be with him; her best friends are all in Chicago and so her social life in NYC is drastically different. It’s an interesting glimpse into the challenges and joys of being in a new city with your fiancé – but without your girlfriends. Wendy draws an insightful parallel between romantic relationships and girlfriend-relationships, which is a daring comparison but also entirely valid.
Most of the commenters on Wendy’s article come off as either bitter single girls upset that Wendy is condoning coupled girls’ tendency to ditch their single girlfriends in favor of their significant others or coupled-up girls nodding their heads in pleased agreement. I can see both points of view and Wendy replies to a couple overly-defensive girls to point out that she moved 2,000 miles away and isn’t choosing her guy over her girls.
Initially, I was irritated by Wendy’s attitude about her new girlfriend to fiancé ratio. My gut reaction after the first few lines of the article was slightly reminiscent of the bitter single girl comments. It was when she pointed out that, “[having single girlfriends is] a romance, really, that only fully blooms in the absence of a romantic relationship,” that I felt the connection to the article.
I’m way on the other side of the fence here. My girlfriends are my life – that “romance” is in full bloom right now! On one hand, it makes not having any kind of boyfriend almost unnoticeable. On the other, does it decrease my potential to cultivating a more real “romance” in the traditional sense of the word?
Bex and I have spoken about how girlfriends sort of replace the need for a boyfriend (in all areas but one, obviously…). But really, where Wendy (of course) places her fiancé and soon-to-be-marriage first in her life, I totally place my friends first. It makes sense, given that clearly we are at two very different points in our lives. It’s fascinating to me, though, to read about how as she “romances” and cultivates her new, life-long relationship, I continue to “romance” and cultivate relationships with my girls.
When I read the article and began thinking through this all, I guess I gained a new understanding about general life phases. The initial irritability or whatever mild bitterness I felt at first disappeared. I want the other people commenting there (both single and coupled) to realize it, too. As cheesy as it might sound (I’m kicking myself for even considering to write this – but it’s true!), as long as there’s some kind of romance in your life – some relationship, someone you can rely on, something stable – then you’re pretty damn lucky.