Unless you are not American or you have been living under a rock, you are at least mildly aware that it’s football season.
I have explained about my Buffalo Bills Fan Status before, so if you need a refresher course go read this. Also go read one of my really early posts, where I mention a certain pair of pants. Those pants really were not the focus of that previous post, but they most certainly are the focus of this one.
This past Sunday Twin and the other girls and I were at good ol’ McFadden’s, drinking our $20 worth of unlimited Bud Light and wings. It was also barely pushing 60 degrees here in NYC, so of course Twin and I were in those pants. (If you haven’t clicked on the pants link, you should because they are hilarious, but the point is the pants are called Zubaz. Like Zoo-Buzz. Yes, they are essentially red, white, and blue zebra print pajama pants. And yes, I wear them to the bar every Sunday.)
Anyway, Twin and I wore them every Sunday last season, too, but apparently never realized the effect we had on the general bar population. (Actually, I’m lumping Twin in here with me because she wears the same pants – but really, I’m the only one who’s been approached. It’s weird.)
The point is we’re famous! And I wrote you this movie script to illustrate it. The cast consists of Twin (as Girl #1), FBF (as himself), and me (as Girl #2). Enjoy.
The Scene: MTA subway car, 4 or 5 express train, moving uptown from 42nd Street/Grand Central. Two girls, visibly intoxicated, wearing vivid, possibly blinding pajama pants. They are loud, oblivious to the rest of the car; they appear to be having a photo shoot of themselves.
(Girl #1 rises to exit subway car at 59th and Lexington. She must live in Queens. Her pants are an affront to regular Sunday evening passengers. She mumbles goodbye to her drunken counterpart and leaves.)
(Girl #2 blacks into the scene. She is suddenly aware of a fellow Bills fan across from her, though she does not appear to have full usage of both eyes.)
Girl #2 (visibly excited): What’s UP!
Fellow Bills Fan (FBF): I think your pants are bad luck.
Girl #2: Bullshit. I wear these every weekend.
FBF: You didn’t wear them last weekend.
Girl #2 (confused, as it becomes clear she has not seen or met FBF previously): I might have been wearing them. You don’t know that.
FBF: I do know that. You’re one of the Zubaz Girls.
Girl #2: Are you serious?
FBF: Sure, we always see you. My friend was texting me about you earlier tonight, too.
(Girl #2, still incredulous but too filled with beer to respond, gets up to exit the train. FBF follows. The two realize they live within blocks of each other. Girl #2 flees.)