I wrote at the beginning of this month about the 2009 resolution I finally accomplished, 11 months into the year. The same disclaimer applies here, I think.
Anyway, the whole point of that weekend (A’s wedding, the casual attitude, etc) was that I would never see him again. Or really speak to him. I went to the wedding with zero expectation of any kind of hookup – I was there to be A’s bridesmaid – and when the hookup became apparent, I went into that with zero expectation of any follow-through. In fact, I actively didn’t want any follow-through. As things progressed, I felt more confident, sexy, and free than I had in a really long time. There were no strings attached! The guy lived in California and I’m in NYC. It didn’t occur to me that there might be an exception to the rule of one-night-stands.
Like I said, it was fun. I figured we’d become friends on Facebook, mostly because he had pictures and I had pictures and I had met a lot of really cool people and it would be bizarre to leave him out. So the friending happened and then he sent me a message. It was really short and nice, superficial, a simple how-was-the-trip-back-were-you-struggling-as-much-as-I-was. (I mean, we’d gotten about 3 hours of sleep. That day of traveling was rough). I wrote back agreeing that it was rough and returning the question. He wrote back again and this time the message was longer, more engaging. I showed it to Twin, wondering why on earth this guy was writing to me. I mean, I knew he thought I was hot and I knew he liked my personality. But come on, it was a one-weekend fling. No need to pretend like you have any further interest in me past that. Twin advised I wait a bit longer before replying and slowly make the messages shorter so they’d fade out. And that was my intention.
Within two weeks we’d moved from Facebook messages to emails and another week after that we exchanged numbers. (Talk about a backwards way to get to know someone). It’s been a solid month and a half since we met and we are emailing “epic essays” (his words, not mine) several times a week. Sometimes there is contact multiple times a day. Texts are also not uncommon, though they mostly happen when at least one of us is not so sober.
So now I must introduce this guy not simply as “some guy from the wedding,” but as Cali Boy. Because, oh right, he still still lives in California.
What am I doing? One-night stands are supposed to be just that – one night. No further interest. No further contact. It’s casual, meaningless. You’re not supposed to realize that the other person is not only sexually attractive to you, but also really fucking cool. And even if that does happen, it’s not supposed to be mutual. Or bi-coastal. So what the fuck.
The thing is, I’m trying to just kind of go with it. I don’t want the emails or texts to stop. I really like learning more about him and hearing stories and I find myself interested in how his week is going and what his plans are for Christmas. He seems to be interested in the same about me and has done some cute things, like sending me videos of baby otters playing on the carpet and Elfing the two of us into the jibjab Elf Yourself video on Thanksgiving day.
There are definitely times (this past week was one of them) that I seriously question my intentions and motives here. I question the entire situation and wonder why I continue. I don’t see contact ending but I also don’t see a future involving anything more than virtual communication. What’s the point? There isn’t one.
Except he’s tentatively planning to come visit in February.