My very first date-as-a-result-of-online-dating was in late Fall 2008 and hands down the worst date of my entire life. I could make it a whole post but I won’t because that is not my point. But you need the gist and the gist is this: We met on match.com, I wasn’t sure he was cute, I decided he was funny and gave him the benefit of the doubt, we made plans for dinner. We met for sushi, he turned out to be about 20lbs heavier than his pictures, he was so nervous he was sweating. He was 25, a stockbroker, and still living at home (this, after he told me he walked to work. Turns out, he walked to work…from Penn Station. NOT THE SAME THING!) He made several attempts at complimenting me that came off as sheer desperation (e.g. “I showed my friend your profile and he wants to date you if you and I don’t work out.”). He used his hands (both of them) to stuff an enormous sushi roll into his mouth. Then he tried to kiss me.
Now, if you haven’t, please go read about Eager Beaver Wesley. And why I really, honestly, hate online dating. I have so many other horror stories that at this point just make me feel pathetic for being too nice and giving these guys I don’t find attractive the benefit of the doubt. I’m sorry, but there’s either chemistry or there’s not and unless we begin as friends and I grow to find you attractive, your jokes and fancy job aren’t gonna make me like you on a first date.
(You didn’t know I could be so bitchy, did you?)
Anyway, I did that stupid free communication weekend for eHarmz way back in February and all I thought I got out of it was Scary Eager Beaver Wesley. I’d made it to “open communication” with one other guy, but he never replied so I moved on. Until about 10 days later when he emailed me. He’d been out of town and he was hoping he had my email address right and how were things going and where was I from? Ok, I figured. We’ll go with this, especially since B2 had also been matched with him so I’d seen a picture and he definitely had major cute potential.
So Finance Guy and I start emailing for a couple weeks and I realize that unless I want another CaliBoy-esque pen-pal, we were going to have to meet. So we tried to make plans but then I went to Barbados and got all tan and hot and came back and we were both super busy. Like, all the time. Newsflash: You have to have time to date. Newsflash #2: Maybe this is why I’m always single. Anyway, we finally made plans for Sunday evening drinks with the potential for dinner.
He offered to choose the place and to come to my neighborhood (which is pretty much as far from his as you can get and still have both people living in Manhattan). He chose this awesome restaurant very close to my apartment and I time my walk there to arrive about 7 minutes later than our 6pm meeting time. But then he told me he was stuck in traffic and so I dawdled and got coffee and called Frere and arrived at 6:18 and still had to wait for 3 minutes all by myself at the bar. And when he walked in at 6:23, I was very pleasantly surprised! Cute potential definitely reached, Finance Guy is blond-haired, blue-eyed, enough taller than I am that I could wear heels very comfortably, and was dressed in jeans, a button down, and grey sweater. He hugged me hello and suggested we sit down – he’d made a 6:30 reservation! Points!
To make this go a bit quicker, I’ll summarize: Dinner lasted until 9pm; he paid without even giving me the chance to offer. Conversation flowed well and there was a good balance between small talk and real talk and laughter and serious subjects. It was never awkward. I had wine, he had beer. When we left and got outside, he asked if I wanted to get another drink. I said yes. We went to a cute pub around the corner and had a few beers…and talked until 12:30am! What? A 6-hour date? Obviously that went well.
Except then he told me to email him my phone number. Instead of just asking for it then. But then he kissed me. What? He’d given me his number in an email earlier, so when I got home I texted him saying I had a nice time and so he’d have my number. He replied saying he’d talk to me soon.
And now it’s the after next Sunday and I haven’t heard anything! And I’m confused because I thought that if a guy willingly extends a date and it lasts for SIX hours, he likes you. But I also thought that if a guy likes you, he lets you know and makes more plans. Weird, right?