What – or Who – is That on the Heater?!

30 Mar

There’s some weird shit in my apartment. I’m sure you are aware at this point that I have some quirks, but in case there’s any doubt, you will now have this post. There’s really no point to it except every time I write a post and glance up over my laptop screen, this is my view:

If you look closely, you can see that weird shit on the heater.

Do you see it? If not, never fear! For, yes, I took close-ups of each character! They are all named Susan.

This is the original Susan. She is a coconut head and used to be incredibly creepy, until the other Susan’s arrived. Original Susan travels with R1 and R2 and is very worldly. Technically, she is an old coconut shell. I think she looks like a monkey.

Original Susan, the coconut shell monkey creature

This is Second Susan, which is pretty much just one of those Victoria’s Secret PINK dogs. You know, those ones they give away with any purchase of PINK underwear or something. Well I brought one home, drew a face on it, and somehow along the way this puppy acquired a red lei. Obviously.

Second Susan, the Victoria's Secret PINK puppy with a lei

Then we have Third Susan, who is BY FAR the creepiest of the bunch. Frere actually got this for me for Christmas 2008. We had agreed not to exchange gifts until after Christmas so when he handed me a somewhat heavy bag with tissue paper exploding out of it, I panicked. Until I saw this. And then it was a different sort of panic.

What. The. Fuck.

Finally, we have our most recent addition. R1 and R2 brought her back from a recent weekend in Philly visiting the oddest part of their trio. This thing is battery powered, makes me feel like I’m in a Chinese restaurant, and also gives me (and R1) the weirdest urge to wave back.

Sometimes we wave back.

Also, yes, there is money strapped to the kitten’s paw. It’s for me, from R2, for the circus on Monday. Because obviously we go to the circus.

And there you have it – the weird shit I get to stare at as I type for you people. It’s a wonder, having put this down on virtual paper, that I manage to write coherently or make any sense at all.

From Left to Right: Waving Susan, Original Susan, Creepy as Fuck Susan, Victoria's Secret PINK Susan

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One Response to “What – or Who – is That on the Heater?!”

  1. frere March 30, 2010 at 10:19 pm #

    I guess you know I love you, then

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