Awesome, Awkward, Amazing, and Absurd: Searches That Get You Here

11 May

Once again I have not been posting regularly. I have no excuses. Just enjoy the fact that I’m posting now.

To my surprise and confusion but also delight, people are still visiting my blog. Even with its lack of updates and too-serious posts of late. I know you’re visiting because even if I don’t provide you with new things to read, I still like to see how many of you visit every day. It’s close to 100. When I post, that doubles, which is also fun to see. What’s more fun to see is how you people even find this blog. I know I’m linked on a few other blogs, which is really cool and thanks for linking to me and hopefully I’m linking to you too, but also people search for me! Or for this blog. Or, as you will soon see, for really weird shit and then find me here!

And so begins my analysis of my audience and what you are actually interested in. Hopefully you’re entertained once you get here, since what you search for is usually not really the main topic of this blog. (The main topic being my ridiculous life, but I guess there’s not really a way to search for that.)

The most common theme among searches that bring you here are tattoo-related. Judging from the search queries, you’d think my blog was centered around shamrock tattoos on my foot with my sibling. Seriously. There are 15 separate search queries for something related to “shamrock tattoos.” I am fairly positive this is a combination between my SPD posts in 2009 and my post about my actual tattoo, but it’s still hilarious to me. Some people have searched for “tree tattoos” and gotten here. Or “weird tattoos.” Also, “tattoos for girls feet.” This one confuses me since I really hate feet, would never get a tattoo on either of my feet, and I don’t think I have written a post about feet. If I did, it would be about how disgusting I think they are. Lastly, someone searched for “saying tattoos” and got here.

This brings me to the next section of searches. If someone searches for “saying tattoos,” what exactly are they trying to find? A pronunciation guide? A tattoo of a saying? What saying? I can think of lots of sayings but I definitely wouldn’t want them tattooed on me. Also, “sayings” is a funny term. Say it out loud. It gets funnier.

Anyway, there’s a bunch of other really weird shit people search for that lead them here. Like “penguin tattoos.” Now, I love penguins, but I’m not sure I’d get a tattoo of one. Actually I am very sure I wouldn’t. What is the kind of person who does get a penguin tattoo? I did an image search for you and here is what I found:

Google Image Search Results for "Penguin Tattoos"

Right up there with tattoos of trees and penguins is the search for…wait for it…SKIN DISEASE. WHAT?! I mean, seriously, what? I am so confused. First of all, I’m sorry you have some kind of unknown skin disease. I’m incredibly confused about how my blog came up as a result, but I hope it took your mind off your weird rash for a while.

Then, a few people consistently search “lost my drivers license.” I am pretty much an expert on that, as you can see here, so this makes sense to me. I mean, I did lose my license three times within a year only to find them all in my original wallet. Which brings me to the second most popular searches: being awesome! Again, I am clearly very much an expert on this, so it makes sense that people would visit this site to learn how to be as awesome as I am. People search for “awesome life goals” (I have those, too!), “being awesome” (it’s ideal), and several variations of “sara’s guide to being awesome.” Some people, though, have searched for “awesome facts about me.” Now, I know a lot of awesome facts about ME, but I am not the one searching. Does that strike you as odd? Why would Google tell you awesome things about yourself? I’m not sure about how this would work or the motivation behind asking the internet about something like that. So, reader looking for awesome facts about yourself, I am sorry but I do not know you. I can assume, however, that you are indeed awesome for reading this blog.

To close, I would like to honor one last search: “poem about being awesome.” I don’t have the brainpower to compose an entire poem, but I will leave you with this haiku:

“Being Awesome: A Haiku”

You are awesome.

Thank you for reading my blog.

I love you a lot.

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2 Responses to “Awesome, Awkward, Amazing, and Absurd: Searches That Get You Here”

  1. Taylor June 27, 2010 at 11:57 pm #

    I love this post. People have found my blog by googling “Aladdin sex”, “roughest sex ever” and “my name spelled in hickeys”. Um.

  2. sgba June 28, 2010 at 10:49 pm #

    I want to know what your blog is now! Link?

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