I’m currently at JFK, waiting for my flight to London to board. I’m also wearing my new travel outfit, which consists of black boots, black leggings, and a black t-shirt dress from Urban Outfitters. I had to get a new travel outfit after experiencing years of overwhelming jealousy of all the celebrities who look so freaking good at the airport. Mine’s comfy, stylish, and slimming. Win! Anyway, I also got my eyebrows done and my haircut today, so I look super cute. That, plus the fact that my most attractive coworker recently told me I look better without makeup and right now I’m only wearing mascara, I’m pretty sure I strutted into JFK like I was a celebrity. A hot one.
So, as I’m walking the catwalk of airport security, I’m told by some Uniformed Gent to stand in a different line. I comply and proceed to take of my boots (exposing my un-celebrity-like white ankle socks) and pile my shit into the gray bins. I always feel really awkward at airport security because I’m worried they are all staring at me and going through my bags. Which, they are, so that makes sense. But also I generally try to be super friendly since these security jobs totally suck and I’d rather smile and make friends than scowl and make them look closer into my purse where they’ll find more than 3 ounces of lotion and a 5-hour energy which isn’t in a separate plastic baggy!
My point is, today going through security, I look really good (aside from my socks) and I’m smiling (which is practically my best quality). And then I get shuffled into the x-ray line! I am not sure how I feel about these from an ethical standpoint, but from a time-efficiency standpoint I’m utterly opposed to them. There were no people in line and I still had to wait 5 minutes just standing there. And it’s as I’m standing there waiting to be x-rayed that the Uniformed Gent asks me where I’m going. I’m holding my passport, so this doesn’t seem odd. He also gestures that I should show him my boarding pass, so since he’s in a uniform and I have white socks on, I hand them over.
And then he starts flirting with me.
Am I studying in London? How long am I going? Can he come with me? All with a smile and a few winks. His name is Vinny and he is so jealous! He wants to get sent somewhere more exotic than Terminal 5. (Really, he said that.) I smile and nod and that’s when he explains his plans to keep in touch with me. I continue to smile and heave a huge internal sigh of relief when I finally get to be x-rayed. I say bye and prepare to be electronically undressed by JFK and the TSA (I think I might be ethically opposed to that part of it, too).
And then I get snacks and water and a Cosmo and sit at Gate B28 and wait for my flight. I text B and Frere and my mom and open up my laptop and start writing various blog posts and also watching parts of He’s Just Not That Into You, which I hate hate hate but will watch anyway for unknown reasons. Whatever, moving on, because then I glance over and notice a Uniformed Gent walking over to me. It’s Vinny, who looked at my boarding pass and apparently noted the gate and came to find me! What!?
He looks like he wants to sit down with me and wait (it’s an entire HOUR till my plane boards) and chat and possibly get my number and I start mentally thinking of ways to invent the boyfriend I don’t have and am so terribly bad at lying about. He confirms I’ll be gone for 6 weeks and lingers slash hovers for a few minutes longer until it becomes clear to him that I will not remove my second earphone nor will I ask him any return questions. Or he has to get back to being a security guy/Uniformed Gent. Then he walks away, leaving me wondering if he also memorized my name and will sometime in the near future find me on Facebook and try to keep his promise of keeping in touch.
I’ll keep you posted on whether Vinny pulls through on that or (hopefully) not, but I think it’s safe to say that my travel outfit is a soaring success and this trip is off to a great start!