The big news is that my stay in London has been extended an extra 3 weeks. Instead of heading out on March 26 (next Saturday), I’m not leaving till April 16. Instead of spending 6 weeks here, I’m spending 9. Maybe it’s because I’ve been here a month and now have another month left. Or Maybe it’s because I rely so heavily on Mental Plans and my original Mental Plan is now completely uprooted. Maybe I’m just homesick, but somehow, that extra 3 weeks feels like forever.
I was given a choice to stay in London longer. If I really didn’t want to stay, I could have said no and gone home as planned. To me, the wasn’t an option. My career is important to me; this opportunity and my decisions surrounding have illustrated just exactly how important it is to me. Apparently, my career is my main priority right now. It would have been foolish (and also felt immature, whiny, and pathetic) to have said, “Gee, thanks, Awesome Company That Employs Me, but I’d rather not take you up on your offer to let me live in London for 2 months. Because, you know, I miss my friends.”
Just, no. That would never happen. I would never make a decision like that because I know exactly how ridiculous that would be.
It doesn’t change the fact that I’m really fucking lonely here. My coworkers don’t make an overstated effort to entertain me on weekends (not that that’s their responsibility, at all), I live by myself in a not-so-social neighborhood, and I really only have 2 friends. I’m trying really, really hard not to throw myself pity parties all the time – there is so much AWESOME in my life right now it feels ridiculous to ever be sad. But I can’t help it! Sometimes I run out of energy to convince myself that everything is so amazing and now is one of those times.
So, when my friends and family back home ask how I feel about my extended stay, I struggle with the answer. Under no circumstances do I want to sound ungrateful and I certainly don’t want to complain. But am I unequivocally thrilled about staying another month? If I said yes, I would be lying to everyone including myself.
However, am I spending every last ounce of energy I have to enjoy the time I have here? Am I focusing on making the best of every single situation I find myself thrown into? Am I continuing to explore and get to know London? Am I still on OkCupid? Hell fucking YES.
I’m also making lists of reasons to be happy on a daily basis. And I met a super cute gent from Holland this week so here’s hoping for more ridiculous blog fodder instead of this serious sad stuff.