The Prep, or Superbowl Snacks & Lethargy
As you all know, I decided to jump on the oh-so-trendy cleanse bandwagon with the BluePrint Cleanse. I’ve been wanting to try it for a long time, although various factors prevented me from diving into the 3-Day Juice Diet. Factors like social plans, money or lack thereof, and, of course, my propensity for chewing.
But with a slow week approaching, a particularly annoying bout of self-diagnosed insomnia, and a little extra money thanks to the US government, I decided to take the plunge. (Pun only half intended.)
My reasoning was this: Everyone cool is doing it.
Ok, fine, that was only part of my reasoning. In all seriousness, I’d been feeling especially gross and lethargic and full of buffalo chicken dip (Hi, Superbowl! Go Giants! Boo hot sauce and sodium!). I mean, I was just feeling puffy. And tired. So tired.
So I went with the obvious solution and decided I may as well stop eating solids for 3 days to see what would happen.
The Cleanse, or 96oz/Day: The Juices
Juice #1: the Green Juice. This literally tastes like drinking a salad. Kind of a sweet, lots of lettuce and nothing else salad. It was actually really refreshing to have first thing in the morning, although I wouldn’t say it tasted good. It tasted clean, though, which was the point.
I loved Juice #2, the Pineapple Apple Mint, which everyone says tastes like a mojito. It really does. What a nice mid-morning treat!
Juice #3 was Green Juice again, which was so hard to choke down. One of those per day is fine by me, anything more and I’m on Liquid Salad Overdose.
Juice #4, the Spicy Lemonade, was definitely my favorite. It wasn’t as sweet as the other juices and it felt the lightest. The cayenne pepper after taste was fun and not too strong. (I’m a spicy-food wuss.)
I was really excited to try Juice #5, the Red Juice. It’s made mostly of carrots, beets, apples, and ginger. I love beets and I’d heard that that was the key to liking this juice. Alas, all I tasted was the ginger. So ginger-y! So sweet and ginger-y! It actually felt like my mouth was puckering with each sip. Definitely my least favorite juice by far.
Juice #6 gets a lot of hype; lots of people call it a liquid cookie. Let me go one step further: This “juice” is a liquid snickerdoodle cookie. It’s cashew milk with cinnamon and vanilla and it is delicious. I kind of want some right now.
The Cleanse, or I’ve Never Peed This Often Ever: The Days
Day one I woke up feeling like a heavy slug. Only a dead heavy slug, since they die when you pour salt on them and that’s pretty much all I’d been pouring down my gullet.
(I’m not a morning person, in that I’ve never been one to leap out of bed and immediately want to tackle everyone in hugs. That being said, I also haven’t always been a cranky morning person. When I’m at my best, I just need a few minutes to adapt to being conscious.)
Day two I woke up feeling fantastic. I was alert and I felt light and clean. No more Sluggy Sara here!
Day three I woke up and went to yoga! I hardly recognized myself! I felt so energized and the workout was great. Usually morning workouts are hard for me because I’m such a heavy dead slug that I don’t really push myself.
Each night I fell asleep between 10 and 10:30pm. Boy-roommate judged a little, but I slept great!
The juices were a little boring the first day. I struggled to get them down and I thought about food a lot. Not enough to cheat, though. Dropping two hundo on some juices will kind of force you into commitment, ya know?
Day two was definitely the best. I took a spinning class that evening and I swear I sweated out toxins. Day three I struggled to finish the juices. It was just so much liquid; I could tell my stomach had shrunk.
Speaking of so much liquid, over the course of each day, I was also drinking a lot of lemon tea and a lot of water and I kept peeing. Luckily, I didn’t wear heels so at least I didn’t have to clack across the wooden floors at work every 20 minutes to get to the bathroom. Subtlety is key for me.
The main complaint I had was that the juices tasted really sugary. I know they are totally natural, so any sugary-ness is also totally natural, but it actually made them harder to drink. Also, my teeth got fuzzy mid-day, which required some awkward public-bathroom-teeth-brushing.
Overall, I was never actually hungry. I didn’t get light-headed and my blood sugar didn’t plummet or spike. After the first day, thinking about food was sort of tangential, which made me feel kind of superior to everyone else taking real bites.
But wait, you might say, what about now? What happened when you starting eating real good again? Did you lose weight? And that, my friend, will come tomorrow with its own post!