Tofu Noodles & Fake Chicken, or Meatless March Update

19 Mar

A month ago, after I finished my very first cleanse, I was pretty much driving the Healthy Habits Bandwagon. I gave up all milk-based products and went to the gym and felt fantastic.

Then I lost two more pounds and got cocky, so guess what? The Healthy Habits Bandwagon told me I wasn’t a qualified driver anymore. Feeling dejected and puffy and also after making a huge mistake by reading that disgusting, graphic chapter about meat in Skinny Bitch, I decided to be a vegetarian for the month of March.

Thus began my constant internal conflict between wanting to eat meat (primarily bacon) and thinking it’s disgusting, rotting flesh (screw you, Skinny Bitches). At first, this bordering-on-unstable struggle inside my head illustrated that I just needed to get out of the habit of eating meat all the time. Kind of like how I got out of the habit of eating cheese with everything and now I just don’t really want it.

But then, it’s like, I want bacon. Or fried chicken and waffles. I don’t even like fried chicken (except the kind my grandma makes for picnics in the Snake River Canyon), but it became this thing I wanted constantly simply because I told myself it wasn’t allowed.

Newsflash: It’s way easier to give up a food that makes you feel like shit than it is to give up a food you really love just because some skinny vegans wrote a fear-mongering book and you accidentally read the wrong chapter.

But even so, my word for 2012 is COMMIT, and I’m neurotic enough to absolutely have to follow through.

So I’ve been eating a lot of chickpeas and celery and bread and pitas and hummus (which, hi, is actually more chickpeas) and avocado and more bread and some tomatoes and onions. After a few weeks, that’s gotten really freaking boring. Also, most of my diet was just carbs. You know what meat does? Adds options of the non-carb-variety.

Alas, I made a commitment.

Then, one night I went grocery shopping and found these tofu noodles I’d heard about on the Food Network’s Hungry Girl show. Situated right next to the fake noodles were the fake chicken cutlets! I could pronounce all the ingredients in them and they were reasonably priced ($5 for four cutlets). Also, yay fake imitation food that’s actually healthy and good for you!

So basically I figured out a way to have a super healthy meal of “chicken and linguine in tomato sauce” without consuming ALL THE CARBS or any meat. The “chicken” was awesome, but no, it doesn’t taste like real chicken. Except that real chicken doesn’t really have that much flavor, so it kind of does.

And the noodles are … well, they are tofu noodles. Pretty much flavorless until you put something on them and chewier than real pasta. If you’re a person who hates weird textures, never eat these.

I just happen to be one of those freaks who loves tofu.

In conclusion, I’m probably going to turn this Meatless March Challenge into a Meatless Life Habit. Except for maybe sushi.

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5 Responses to “Tofu Noodles & Fake Chicken, or Meatless March Update”

  1. suki March 19, 2012 at 12:24 pm #

    I couldn’t give up seafood! :p And possibly bacon…

  2. dominique March 19, 2012 at 7:00 pm #

    PLEASE PLEASE exclude sushi. sushi is necessary for a happy life. this is a universal truth.

  3. Meghan March 19, 2012 at 10:00 pm #

    I’m totally obsessed with the tofu noodles. I find that they go WAY, WAY better with stir-fry type dishes than Italian ones. I definitely want to try vegan for a month at some point during the year so I’m going to need some tips from you :)

  4. Ameena March 21, 2012 at 10:43 am #

    I love it! It’s been so long since I’ve had meat I always convince myself that the veggie “bacon” tastes just like normal bacon. Then my roommates will make actual bacon and I will get a whiff of it and realize just how different they are. Whatevs I love my veggie bacon. Also, sushi is what always breaks me. ALWAYS.

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